Little Pieces of Me

I like to race boats. I like to wear Metal Mulisha. I like to wear black. I like to be a quiet person. I like to wear my make up the way I wear it. I like being the person that I am. I like that I have finally gotten the courage to be okay with the way that I am and the person that I have become in my life. Sure I hated the times when I was going through struggles. But because of those, I became stronger. I have seen a lot and at times I want to give up, but I still keep fighting forward. I am proud to be me. Maybe you will get to know me, and maybe you wont. But I refuse to change who I am for anyone, ever again. 

That they would be moving off to college. I knew that they were going to be busy. But I never expected them to forget who I was. Every time I go onto the computer they are talking to everyone it seems. They hung out with everyone before they left, except me. I thought that we were best friends. But you couldn’t even come to my door to even hug me good bye? Really?

Maybe to them I was just a temperary friend. Maybe they only kept me around because they thought that it would be funny to string me along for this long. But I thought that we were really friends. I thought that I could trust them with my life. Now they didn’t even want to know if I am still alive.

The sad thing is, is that you are going to read this and you are going to try and deny that it isn’t you that I am talking about. You are going to try and think of reasons why all these things are happening. You are going to try and put the blame on someone else.

But you know what? Thats fine. Cause I know who I am talking about. You know who you are, even if you want to deny it. You are going to read this and wonder, should I text her so I can get out of this mess? Should I try and see her sometime soon?

Who says that I will text you back? Who says that I will take your call? I’m tired of trying so hard to make you feel okay when I’m at home and I feel like shit. I’m over it.

I want to be best friends with you guys so badly, but it seems as if you guys have become to important to have me as a friend.

Even after this whole rant and putting it out there for you to see, I want you to know that I’m not mad. Yeah I’m hurt. Yeah I miss you. But I realize that I am nothing compared to you guys. I get that I most likely have always and will forever be nothing compared to you guys.

I hope that you guys get everything in life that you are looking for. I hope that you are happy with all the choices that you have made. I’m proud of you guys and I honestly was very lucky to get the chance to hang out with you guys. I’m just sorry that it was all fake and a joke.

Good bye.

Nicole Knudson